Feelin The Feels

As I make friends at the airport bar with a 72 year woman with a henna tattoo on her hand, and a beer in the other, I decided to have a cocktail myself since my flight is delayed 2 hours and write. Instead of get angry about the 2 hour flight delay, I decided to make good use of my time. Hey friends, it’s been awhile.

A lot has and hasn’t been happening, so instead of writing about a topic I’ve written down for future posts, I’m feeling compelled to just write my feels.

I find myself extremely vulnerable lately, to the point of being uncomfortable, but like I tell my students, one must “be comfortable with being uncomfortable.” It’s been pretty intense this past month, for me personally, and across the U.S.-the Kavanaugh hearing, Hurricane Michael…it’s all SO HEAVY AND SO MUCH! I mean, I’ve been crying tears y’all, real, nasty, ugly tears. I think it’s fair to say that we’re all hurting right now. At times I don’t know how to feel because the emotions have been flooding in like a Cat 5 Hurricane. Sometimes I’d just shut down, self medicate, or read/watch fluff. Whether you're into astrology or not, I’ve been reading up a lot about myself through these trying times, and I’m personally going through an intense transformation. Experiencing extreme highs and lows with my ego/identity and truly living & feeling everything in this very emotional world we’ve all been experiencing. If you’re an astrology junky like myself, may I suggest an App to download, called Co-Star. It’s been giving me all the realness that a gal needs to stay humble & true. My friend Breezy and I always say, “I know I’m the shit, but I also know I ain’t shit.” And honestly, I have to remind myself of that daily. A mantra we both decided to keep after much trial and tribulation that we both experienced around the same time. “Happiness grows when you let it all go.” I think my "zero fucks” lifestyle is legit at an all time high. Although I’ve been told, time and time again, I have a good head on my shoulders, I keep questioning why I’ve chosen this life path, and I’m constantly saying to myself, “What in thee hell are you doing, Heather?!” My friend who has participated in the Landmark Forum, had me go to a meeting with her this past week. It was a very Tony Robbins experience (the tears, putting what you really want out of life into a sentence or 2, and creating the action to do so) and while I understand and know that it’s a very transformational experience, both personally and professionally, because let’s be real, we all could use a little of that, I’m not much of a joiner, nor do I have $700 to drop to “transform" my life, but one day, I hope to go. I decided to take this vulnerable transformative stage into my own hands. I went heavy on my Brené Brown podcasts, and I headed to the library to sign myself up for the ebooks. If you feel compelled to change then, change, we’re all scared, we’re all fearful, but feel the fear and do it anyway. Wow! If that wasn’t a Instagram quote or a Pinterest Meme, then I don’t know what the hell that was?! I’m just saying, If you feel compelled to make moves-then make fuckin moves! I’ve learned a lot about myself this past month, and I also learned A LOT can change in the next month, let alone 6! Live in the moment and just be. I think because social media, and society is always telling us to constantly DO DO DO, how about we just take a moment, and breathe. Go to a yoga class, download that album and listen to it from beginning to end, say No if you’re not feeling very social. What I urge you all to do, is to live the life you’ve always imagined & be a more compassionate person in this Julius Caesar tragedy of a world we live in. Stop comparing, stop trying to keep up with the Kardashians, eat the slice of pizza, binge your new fave Netflix series, download the App, 5 Journal (because we must always be grateful and realize it could always be worse), and even though life may not be going the way you planned, the Universe is leading you into your path, you simply have to keep yourself in check and consistent. I truly believe that. In times when natural disasters and devastation has hit, when dating in 2018 is just absolutely hopeless & has gone to hell, when progressive thinking and lifestyles seem very desolate, I just have to say to myself, “One day, I’ll be so whole that I’ll meet an awesome human who thinks I’m equally as awesome, if not more, and he’ll fall in love with me and think I’m amazing. One day, I’ll pay rent or a mortgage, and not think, “You have $200 to last you 2 weeks.” But until then, in the mean time, in between time- Be grateful- you’re a badass millennial, in spite of being given a shit sandwich of an economy while teaching a Baby Boomer, who makes 6 figures a year, how to open a PDF file. You’re still out here making ish happen, HIGH FUCKIN FIVE! Be humble- you have shoes on your feet, a roof over your head, and somewhat of a reasonably stocked fridge that can get you through the week til pay day. And remember to tell yourself, 

“I know I’m the shit, but I also know I ain’t shit.” Because you aren’t better than anyone else, but you are a badass, and you will get through this. You’re capable, you’re strong, you’re beautiful, and you got this. WE got this! 

Ya Girl,

Heather Sue